A Message of Hope Following the Death of a Loved One
Losing any loved one is difficult. But what hope can we look to when a child
is lost to sudden tragedy?
by Melvin Rhodes
A close friend of mine lost his son last December.
Although Richard and I first met some years ago, it wasn't until February
of last year that we really got to know each other.
Every February I spend three weeks at the Ambassador Bible Center (ABC)
where I teach classes on the books of Daniel and Revelation and give an overview
of where we are now in Bible prophecy. ABC is located at the home office
of the United Church of God, publisher of The Good News, just outside
Cincinnati, Ohio.
Although I am a regular writer for the Church's publications and have to
use a computer almost every day of my life, I must confess to being somewhat
technologically challenged. So I needed Richard's help (Richard is the information
technology manager for the United Church of God).
My two one-hour classes began each weekday at 8:30 a.m. I usually turned
up at Richard's office an hour earlier desperately in need of technical support
just so I'd be able to give my classroom presentation. While he was helping
me, we would talk. A mutually rewarding friendship developed.
Traveling to Africa and England
It turned out we had a great deal in common. We both came from families
with six boys and no girls. I am the oldest of the six in my family; he is
the fourth in his. We both married about the same time, and he had three
children who arrived in the same birth order as my own—girl, boy, girl.
As I got to know Richard, I learned that his wife Emma also worked in the
church office, in mail processing. I learned, too, that Richard and Emma
had just gone through a severe two-year trial battling Emma's cancer. It
was only then that they were emerging from that ordeal with greater hope
for the future.
As Emma was recovering, we invited them to visit us in Michigan. It was
clear that they are a loving and devoted couple. Their love and devotion
to each other has helped them greatly through the many difficulties and challenges
of life.
In our conversations, Richard would often ask about my experience overseas
and the responsibilities I now have that require travel. He expressed such
an interest in Ghana and England, the two countries I visit most frequently,
that I invited him to come along with me on a future trip.
The Sunday after Thanksgiving we both left for a 10-day visit to Ghana followed
by a few days in England. Richard loved Ghana and its people and was very
helpful to many on the trip, solving their computer problems and helping
out wherever he could.
After Ghana, we visited a congregation of the United Church of God in northern
England, the closest one to where all my brothers live. After the church
service, we drove over to see my brothers. He really appreciated the opportunity
to get to know my family.
Sixteen days after leaving the United States, we were back. The following
day, as one of our colleagues at the office put it, "Richard was beaming.
He was so full of the trip." I was pleased to hear that.
Then, sudden tragedy struck.
An unbearable loss
Barely 24 hours after arriving back in the United States, Richard phoned
me at 2:17 a.m. I remember the exact time, as I looked at my alarm clock
when the phone rang. I knew at that time of the night it had to be bad news.
And it was. Distraught, he told me that his 22-year-old son Ryan had been
taken to the hospital with life-threatening injuries.
An hour later, when the phone rang again, I knew it could only be the worst
news a parent can hear. Ryan had died. Richard and Emma's only son had passed
away in the early hours of Thursday, Dec. 16, without regaining consciousness.
For days it was all I could think about. We had spent so much time talking
about our children that I deeply felt this tragic news. But what I was feeling
was nothing compared to the pain and suffering that Richard and Emma were
going through.
Ryan's death led to my changing my sermon subject two days later. I wanted
to share with the members of my congregation the good news of God's promise
of eternal life. It wasn't something that was new to them, but the timely
words were an encouragement to all.
The Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes tells us that there is "a time for
every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die . . ." (Ecclesiastes
3:1-2).
In the same book we also read that "the dead know nothing" (Ecclesiastes
9:5). Contrary to popular belief, people do not go in conscious awareness
to heaven or hell or purgatory when they die. When people die, they are really
dead—they are unconscious with no more powers of thinking and reasoning.
But does this mean that there is no hope?
God's promise to overcome death
Job asked this all-important question: "If a man dies, shall he live again?" He
also answers it: "All the days of my appointed time will I wait, till
my change come. Thou shalt call, and I will answer thee . . ." (Job
14:14-15, King James Version, emphasis added throughout).
Job knew that he could look forward to a change to eternal life, but he
also knew that it was a long way off. In fact, Job is still waiting, thousands
of years later.
Writing in the New Testament, the apostle Paul looked forward to the future
time of change, when some will receive eternal life.
"For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice
of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will
rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together
with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always
be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words" (1 Thessalonians
4:16-18).
Note that "the dead in Christ will rise first." These are those throughout
history who faithfully served Him in life and now sleep in the grave. Immediately
after them will be Jesus' followers who are alive at the time of His return.
Salvation is only possible through Jesus Christ. ". . . For there is no other
name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved" (Acts 4:12).
Jesus Christ Himself rose from the dead. Writing to the skeptical Corinthians,
the apostle Paul reminded them of this fact. "For as in Adam all die, even
so in Christ all shall be made alive. But each one in his own order: Christ
the firstfruits, afterward those who are Christ's at His coming" (1 Corinthians
15:22-23).
Just as Jesus Christ rose from the dead, so His followers can also look
forward to eternal life with Him. In the words of Jesus Christ: "Let not
your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's
house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to
prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will
come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also" (John
14:1-3).
Paul wrote the following words to the Romans: ". . . If the Spirit of Him
who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the
dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit [which]
dwells in you . . . For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are
sons of God" (Romans 8:11, 14).
Paul reminded the Corinthians that "flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom
of God; nor does corruption inherit incorruption." He explained to his readers
that "we shall all be changed—in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye,
at the last trumpet [when Christ returns]. For the trumpet will sound, and
the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
"For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put
on immortality. So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this
mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that
is written: 'Death is swallowed up in victory'" (1 Corinthians 15:50-54).
But what about non-Christians?
We have already seen that salvation is only possible through Jesus Christ.
But does this mean that non-Christians have no opportunity for salvation?
Will some people miss out on eternal life simply because they were born into
the wrong religion, or grew up in a part of the world that does not know
Jesus Christ?
The apostle Peter wrote that God is "not willing that any should perish
but that all should come to repentance" (2 Peter 3:9). Repentance and baptism
are prerequisites for eternal life (Acts 2:38).
We have already seen that only those who are Christ's are given eternal
life at His coming. So how does God give others who have never known Jesus
Christ the opportunity to receive salvation? And what about those brought
up in the Christian faith who did not live long enough to repent and receive
the Holy Spirit?
It is comforting to know that God thinks of everybody. In His plan for mankind, all have
an opportunity for salvation, for eternal life.
In the book of Revelation, we see a future time that is the fulfillment
of Christ's words quoted above. "And I saw thrones, and they sat on them,
and judgment [rulership] was committed to them . . . And they lived and reigned
with Christ for a thousand years. But the rest of the dead did not live again
until the thousand years were finished. This [i.e., the resurrection at the
beginning of the thousand years] is the first resurrection" (Revelation 20:4-5).
Here we see some very profound words. We read again that those in Christ
will receive eternal life at His return. But we also read that "this is the
first resurrection." We read, too, that "the rest of the dead"—the
nonbelievers—"did not live again until the thousand years were finished."
This clearly means there is more than one resurrection. In its
haste to embrace the concept of the immortality of the soul, most of the
Christian world has overlooked this plain and simple truth.
The next verse simply emphasizes what we have now come to understand: "Blessed
and holy is he who has part in the first resurrection. Over such the second
death has no power, but they shall be priests of God and of Christ, and shall
reign with Him a thousand years" (verse 6).
So those in the first resurrection receive eternal life immediately
at the second coming of Jesus Christ. But those in the second resurrection
at the end of the thousand years do not. Why not? Why aren't they treated
the same?
The answer is because they are not ready. Remember, eternal life
is only possible through Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ paid the penalty for
our sins. Before we can truly come to Him, we must repent and be baptized;
then we receive the gift of God's Holy Spirit (Acts 2:38; Romans 8:11, 14).
In Ezekiel 37 we read of a resurrection quite different from the first.
The dead here have been dead for a very long time, as their bones are described
as being "very dry" (verse 2).
In this resurrection God says: "I will put sinews [muscles] on you and bring
flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you; and you shall
live. Then you shall know that I am the LORD" (verse 6). This is a resurrection
to a second physical existence, at which time those resurrected "shall know
that I am the LORD." They will have the opportunity to receive God's Holy
Spirit and live (verse 14).
These words are an encouragement to all who have lost loved ones, as they
have been for Richard and Emma during their time of great loss. Their strong
religious faith has seen them through other trials and will also see them
through this one.
Ryan's memorial service
The day after my sermon my wife and I were in Kentucky for Ryan's memorial
service and burial. About 200 people were present at the memorial service,
making it one of the largest I have ever attended.
It's quite an accomplishment for a young man of 22 to have touched the lives
of so many people. It had been more than three years since his graduation
from high school, but more than 25 of his high school friends were present.
At the service, we learned that Ryan had written and had published several
short stories and articles, one play and one short film script. Who knows
what achievements were in store if only he had lived? It was deeply moving
to see the loving support and encouragement of so many friends sharing in
the family's grief.
Ryan was laid to rest alongside his grandfather on his grandmother's own
land in Greenup County. Afterwards my wife and I were invited to eat with
the family before returning to Michigan. Both sides of the family were present
and one thing was very clear to me: Richard and Emma both have the strong,
loving support of a close-knit family.
Ryan was blessed with two sisters, one older and one younger. I already
knew the youngest, Elesha, who was a student in my ABC class last year. Richelle,
the eldest, and her husband, Will, had just had a baby daughter only 10 weeks
before Ryan died. Ryan had doted on his niece, Zandra Belle, and was so proud
to be an uncle. With new life comes new hope. Zandra will help get the family
through this awful trial.
These observations brought to mind the words of Jesus Christ when a lawyer
asked Him the question, "Which is the great commandment in the law?" Jesus'
response was: "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with
all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On
these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets" (Matthew 22:36-40).
In these few verses, Jesus told His followers what their priorities should
be. We should first love God, which emphasizes the need for a close, personal
relationship with our Father in heaven. Then we should love our fellow man,
family and friends. This is the way to happiness in this life and eternal
life in the next.
Living the two great commandments is also the key to coping with adversity
during the difficult periods we inevitably face in life. At some point we
all suffer loss. For most it's the loss of grandparents, parents, aunts and
uncles, older siblings, friends and neighbors. For some, like Richard and
Emma, it's losing a child, a loss that is so much harder to bear. At such
a time, only faith in God and the loving support of family and friends can
ease that pain.
As Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 4:18, "Therefore comfort one another
with these words." GN
Recommended Reading
Would you like to learn more? The Bible has much more to teach us about
the resurrection of the dead, heaven, hell and the incredible future God
has in store for us. To learn more about the scriptural truth about life
after death, be sure to request the free booklets What
Happens After Death? and Heaven
and Hell: What Does the Bible Really Teach? Both are yours free
for the asking!
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